Project 358: Day 200

Yet another sleeping kid photo...

Day 200: Sweet Slumber

Self Portrait Series - 4 (Project 358: Day 199)

Day 199: Self-Portrait, July 2011

Project 358: Days 196 - 198

Day 196: Mr. Catalog Head, by Evan

Day 197: Inner Workings of the Parsons Family GOPP (Grand Old Player Piano)

Day 198: Tossin' Rocks in the American River

California State Fair (Project 358: Day 195)

Photo by SS (I'm just now noticing how goofy my smile is here.)

Photo by SS (Elinor is sitting next to me, but is hidden behind the water cannon. Stephen and Evan were in another boat and Ev made it his mission in life to completely DRENCH me. Ended up being a good thing, though, since it was SO HOT that day.)

Day 195: Sun Setting on the Midway

Photo by SS

Photo by SS

Photo by SS

Photo by SS

Photo by SS

Photo by SS

Photo by friendly Fair patron.

*All photos taken with our point and shoot, 'cause we weren't about to drag our big ol' DSLR to the Fair.
** Sloppy photo editing done by yours truly.

Follow-up to (Far) Beyond Pretty

Since writing (Far) Beyond Pretty, I've mulled over it for days, worrying that I didn't adequately express myself in the piece. I think that I got carried away on an emotional tangent that steered me from my original purpose. I know that I over think things, and I know that nobody cares, but I need to get this out of my head. And, because my head is still sort of spinning in circles on the topic, I'm going to do this in a numbered format, however boring that may be. Bear with me. Or don't. It's your prerogative, yo. Here goes...

1. I did not write this post as an indictment of my parents. Growing up, yes, my parents told me I was pretty, but they also supported me whole-heartedly in all of my passions: competitive swimming, dance, theater, writing, putting together "creative" ensembles (let's call it "fashion"). Within my family, I always knew that I was valued for more than my looks. So where did this designation as Alison the Pretty (in contrast to Jessica the Smart and Maggie the Humorous) come from? I don't know. I'm starting to think I made it up myself. (I have no idea if my sisters had the same experience growing up, but I will ask them this weekend, because I get to see them both in one day, YAY!) Perhaps, as the middle child, I was searching for an identity and gave myself the title, clinging to the trait that people noticed most. Or perhaps my early "obsession with pretty," as my father so succinctly put it, was a result of my interests. After all, the worlds of dance, theater, and fashion are well-known for their focus on physical appearance.
2. I do not believe that parents should never, under any circumstances tell their daughters that they're pretty. Being complimented on your appearance feels good and, if it's done genuinely and in moderation, it can only serve to bolster a child's self-esteem.
3. I do think that we should examine how we, in general, greet little girls upon meeting them. It's common practice to mention something about appearance when we meet girls: Look how pretty you are! I love your dress! etc. It's understandable. Little girls are freakin' cute! But, if a comment on appearance is the first thing they hear from people, over and over again, the message starts to sink in: being pretty is really important. So how should we greet them? I love Lisa Bloom's suggestion in her article How to Talk to Little Girls: crouch down to their level, look them in the eyes, and simply say, "It's very nice to meet you." Simple. Perfect. 

Changing the way we greet girls is just one small step in opposition to the harmful messages our culture and media send to them on a daily basis. In addition to this, I am working on:

1. Refraining from making negative comments about my own appearance. Children learn so much from simply observing their parents. If my daughter sees me picking myself apart or putting myself down, it's likely she'll do the same to herself. Exercise and healthy eating habits should be modeled and discussed as necessary components to leading a healthy life and feeling good. They should not be discussed as a way to get skinny or to avoid getting fat.
2. Complimenting and encouraging my daughter for her many skills and talents. And I don't mean general declarations like You are so amazing! although I have been known to say that from time to time. I mean specific statements relating to the things she has done or accomplished, such as Wow, you really focused and finished that puzzle all by yourself! That must feel really good. or That was really kind of you to let your friend play with your toy. Doesn't it feel good to share?
3. Talking to my daughter and, more important, listening to her. Engaging her, asking her questions, and really listening to her answers. As Lisa Bloom wrote so eloquently, "Ask her what she's reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You're just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does."

I feel like I had more to say on this topic, but my brain is starting to wind down now. Perhaps this means I've made my point. In closing, I share with you a YouTube video that my uncle posted on Facebook several months back and that left me in tears. Please watch. It's pretty awesome.

Project 358: Days 188 - 194

Day 188: Fire In The Sky

Day 189: Lunch.

Tempeh bacon, golden heirloom tomato, avocado, baby spinach, sunflower sprouts, mustard, and Vegenaise on whole wheat bread. On the side: arugula, golden heirloom tomato, avocado, and sunflower seeds tossed in balsamic vinaigrette. Yum.

Day 190: Uncertain

Day 191: Breakfast.

A big ol' hearty breakfast hash made from red onion, green bell pepper, red potatoes, and crumbled Organic "Hemp-fest" Breakfast Patties. Topped with tomato, avocado, and a dash o' Chalula hot sauce. This was so freakin' yummy, but the photo does not do it justice. In hindsight, I realize I shoulda' thrown a piece of toast in the mix, if only for compositional purposes. Oh, well. C'est la vie!

Day 192: Dinner.

Peanut Stew:

1. Chop half an onion and cook in pot.
2. Add a can of stewed tomatoes, a half cup of crunchy peanut butter, and a half can of garbanzo beans.
3. Chop a potato and add to pot with a sprinkling of thyme.
4. Cover pot and cook on low heat for 20 min.
5. Serve on rice.
6. Munch.

I snagged this recipe from The Vegan Stoner, a charming and aesthetically pleasing blog dedicated to food that is "cheap, fast, and vegan." I've been following the blog for a while now, but this is the first recipe that I felt compelled to try (they had me at "crunchy peanut butter"). I did have to cook it for almost twice as long as directed to get the potatoes soft, and we did end up adding salt, black pepper, and cayenne because it needed a little kick, but overall, this recipe is bomb. I will be making it again in the future fo' sho'.

Day 193: Have Wheels, Will Travel

Elinor's legs are now long enough to pedal the tricycle! Evan, nine whole months after receiving a bicycle for his birthday, finally decided to try riding the thing!! Dreams of family bike rides are dancing in my head!!! I LOVE EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!

I am a happy mama.

Day 194: So Close, Yet So Far Away

My childhood pool, closed for the summer due to budget cuts. Sigh. This kinda' broke my heart a little, truth be told.

Product Preference (Project 358: Day 187)

The summer before my sophomore year of high school, my skin broke out pretty severely and since then, acne is something that I've just always had to deal with. Even today, at age 33, which anyone who has struggled with adult acne can attest, is just plain unfair. Over the years, I've tried all sorts of things to clear my skin, from over-the-counter remedies such as benzoyl peroxide and salicylic acid, to prescription products like tetracycline and Retin-A, just to name a few. Many things improved my skin, but the improvement never seemed to last. My skin became particularly difficult to deal with during the hormonal surges that accompany pregnancy, child-birth, and breast feeding. I began to feel like my skin would never be clear, a thought that was increasingly stressful the older I became.

During the past year, my skin troubles took on a new form as I began getting ugly red pimples along my jawline. According to my online research, this acne is typically hormonal (Yay, hormones! Aren't they just the BEST?!) and fairly common among women in their thirties. Once again, I began my quest to find the perfect skincare routine, with the additional goal of using natural products as much as possible. The products pictured below are what I've come up with. I've been following this routine (roughly described below) for several months now and am very happy with the results. My skin is not perfect, but I've given up on expecting it to be. And, you know, that mind-shift alone probably does more for my skin than any product. Still, I'm not giving these up anytime soon:

Day 187: Product Preference

The products (starting from left to right and finishing with the tube lying horizontal up front):

• Yes To Cucumbers Soothing Daily Gentle Cleanser, $9.99 for a 3.38 oz tube. Most days of the week, I end up wearing at least a little bit of makeup, so at night, I need a cleanser that's going to wash that makeup off (including eye makeup like mascara, because I refuse to add another step to my routine). This one does the trick, while still being gentle enough that it doesn't irritate my somewhat sensitive skin. It's hypoallergenic, paraben- and petroleum-free, and made from 96% natural ingredients. Additionally, all Yes To products are cruelty-free and at least 5% of their annual profits are donated towards the Yes To Carrots Seed Fund, a U.S. 501(c)3 non-profit organization "on a mission to make a difference in people's lives by providing under-served communities with the resources to develop and sustain an organic food source and access to healthy nutrition." Nice!
• St. Ives Timeless Skin Daily Microdermabrasion, approximately $5.00 for a 4 oz tube. You guys, this is HANDS DOWN THE BEST facial exfoliator I have EVER tried. And, believe me, I've tried a lot of 'em. It's so great because it's incredibly effective, leaving your skin soft and smooth and lovely, and yet it's gentle enough to use every day. No, really. Every day. Even on sensitive skin. Plus, a little goes a long way, allowing a 4 oz tube to last you for months. I'm a little scared it may be discontinued though, because I've had trouble finding it in stores and it is no longer listed on the St. Ives website. However, there are several online vendors still selling it, so I went ahead and bought a four-pack off Amazon yesterday for $19.99. (Why am I telling you my secrets?! I must hoard this stuff for myself!) Anyway ladies, if you're in your thirties, as I am, there are simply no more excuses not to exfoliate! Let's face it, our cells simply aren't turning at the rate they did in our youth, so get to scrubbin'! I use this stuff every morning in the shower, a great way to start the day.
• Desert Essence Organic Jojoba Oil, $14.99 for a 4 oz bottle. When it comes to natural skin care for acne prone skin, jojoba oil is lauded as a near necessity. I admit, as someone with oily skin, at first the idea of rubbing oil into my face totally freaked me out, but now I can't imagine living without the stuff. Jojoba oil is a botanical extract of the seed of the jojoba tree (Simmondsia chinensis) and is actually not an oil at all, but a wax ester. Out of all the compounds in nature, this wax ester is the most similar to human skin oil (sebum). By applying jojoba oil to your skin, you effectively "trick" your skin into thinking it is producing enough oil, thus balancing oil production. That's the theory anyway. And I, for one, am buying it. I use it as a moisturizer every morning and every night. It leaves my skin soft, smooth, and best of all, way less shiny and oily. It's a miracle product! One thing to keep in mind: while conventional moisturizers hydrate your skin by attracting moisture to it, oils do not. They simply create a barrier on the skin to retain the moisture that is already there. Which means that applying oil to dry skin will reap no benefits. Just make sure that your skin is still damp when you apply the oil. And a little goes a long way!
• Aloe Life Skin Gel Ultimate Skin Treatment, $14.29 for an 8 oz bottle. According to the Aloe Life website, the benefits of using aloe skin gel are nearly endless. They claim it provides "the ultimate soothing relief for all skin conditions: all burns including sun burns, non poisonous insect bites, abrasions, cuts, rashes including diaper rash, muscle strain, hemorrhoids, acne, athletes foot, stretch marks, cold sores, gum disorders, vaginal dryness, post surgical, damaged & thinning hair, skin renewal, brown spots and other skin ailments." I use it because I find it complements the jojoba oil well. Combined, they are my dream come true facial moisturizer. I apply a little bit to my skin immediately after the jojoba oil, but if I wanted to eliminate a step, I could mix the two together in a separate bottle as my sister does. Adding a few drops of lavender or tee tree essential oil would add an antibacterial benefit to the mix. I prefer the Aloe Life brand to the ones I've found in stores because a) it is 99% certified organic, b) it is made using the entire plant, including the therapeutic yellow sap traditionally used for healing, and c) the ingredients list doesn't include a bunch of weird chemicals, colors, and fragrances. Yes, it is more expensive but in my opinion, worth it.
• SkinCeuticals Sheer Physical UV Defense SPF 50, $30.00 for a 1.7 fl. oz. bottle. Several months back, a friend of mine spoke so highly of this sunscreen I decided I had to try it out for myself. Once I got over the hefty price tag, I fell in love with it. It's so great because it's made from non-chemical sunscreens (titanium dioxide and zinc oxide) but is so light and sheer, it doesn't give you the ghostly glow typical of other physical sunblocks*. I also like the fact that it is just sunscreen and doesn't include moisturizer. I use it on my face and neck daily, applying it after giving my jojoba/aloe combo ample time for absorption. As for the hefty price tag, when you consider how little of the stuff you have to use, it's really not that bad. The bottle will last long enough to make it $30 very well spent.
• Yes To Cucumbers Soothing Eye Gel, $14.99 for 1.01 fl. oz. I pat this gel, made from cucumbers, green tea, and chamomile, under and around my eyes every morning and every night. It feels cool and refreshing and visibly reduces puffiness upon application. I've read several reviews from people who claim it irritated their skin and made their under-eye makeup flaky, but I have experienced neither of those things. It's also a total bargain, costing less for a full ounce than most eye creams cost for half that.
• Lerosett Spot Treatment and Facial Mask for Problem Skin, $34.00 for a 2.5 oz. tube. I was turned on to this miracle product by my bikini waxer a few months back. No, I don't use it down there. In addition to waxing nether regions, she is an expert in natural skin care and provides facials as one of her many services. During a recent appointment, I lamentingly described to her my jawline acne and she suggested I try Lerosett. Out of all the products I use, this one plays the biggest role in easing my acne woes. It is AMAZING (and better be for that price!). It's ingredients are rasul clay, distilled water, and pure, unadulterated magic. I apply it to my entire face and upper neck at night after cleansing, then let it dry for about 20 minutes before rinsing it off. Follow it up with jojoba and aloe and I'm not kidding guys, I kinda' glow a little bit. AND, it totally cleared up my jawline acne, save the occasional spot. Currently, I alternate between Lerosett and Retin-A, using the former one night and the latter the next, but I am seriously considering weaning myself off Retin-A and just using Lerosett. It can also be used as a spot treatment while you sleep.

The above lineup of miracle workers has allowed me to FINALLY feel comfortable with my skin. There's just one thing I have left to complain about: the age spots that have decided to take up residence on my forehead and cheeks of late, an unfortunate result of all the stupid tanning I did in my mid-twenties. Oh, short-sighted 25-year-old Me, I wish I could just smack you! Anyone out there have a recommendation for a product that can get rid of those? I don't think my skin care routine has enough steps.

*Okay, okay, this isn't entirely true. The sunscreen DOES lighten your complexion a bit; I think it's pretty much impossible to avoid this when using physical sunblocks. However, the effect is minimal and can easily be remedied with a touch of bronzer.

Lunch Date! (Project 358: Days 185 & 186)

Earlier this week, we spent a couple nights in Sebastopol to visit with Stephen's family and, while there, Stephen and I were given the chance to go out to lunch while his mom and sister watched the kids (THANKS, GUYS!!!). We took the opportunity to visit the Healdsburg location of Cafe Gratitude, a 20 minute jaunt down the highway from Sebastopol. You may remember my review of the San Rafael location from this post.

Day 185: Lunch at Cafe Gratitude, Healdsburg location

Healdsburg is an adorable little town straddling the Russian River, just one of the many places I wouldn't mind living in Sonoma County.

Waiting for our food, sipping on Bison Chocolate Stout, a rich dark Berkeley brew.

On a mission to taste everything on the menu, Stephen and I decided to try dishes different than the ones we'd had during our previous two visits. I chose "I Am Nourished" from the Raw Specialties menu (Live sandwich with almond pate, carrot, lettuce, tomato, avocado, and spicy mustard sauce on apple curry bread):

I Am Nourished!

Oh man, this totally hit the spot, such a lovely mix of flavors, and so hearty! I could only finish half and saved the rest to enjoy as a tasty snack a couple hours later. Stephen ordered "I Am Extraordinary" from the Cooked Specialties menu (BLT with sauteed maple coconut bacon, romaine lettuce, sliced tomato and avocado. Served with spicy chipotle aioli on an organic wheat bun):

I Am Extraordinary!

Now, I didn't taste Stephen's (I'm often just fine eating my own meal, though I'll willingly give others bites of my food), so I can't give you an opinion, but Stephen said it was fantastic (and practically licked the plate clean!). I don't know. Looks a little heavy on the aioli, don'tcha think?

On the way out, we decided to purchase the Cafe Gratitude cookbook, I Am Grateful: Recipes & Lifestyle of Cafe Gratitude. I am so excited to start trying some of these recipes.

Day 186: Dinner Party Dreams

Hmmm....just may have to host a raw food dinner party one of these days...

Time For Change (Project 358: Days 181 - 184)

Day 181: Fail. No photo.

Day 182: Fail. No photo.

Day 183: Fail. No photo.

Day 184: Fail. No photo.

For the past few months, I've been struggling with mild depression. It hasn't been constant but rather has descended upon me in waves, crushing me emotionally and psychologically one day, and the next, receding just enough to make me think I was finally in the clear, only to be hit with it again a few days later. Last week, it all came to a head when we returned from a fun but stressful trip to Oregon and Stephen had to leave for his (48 hour) work shift the next day. It's hard for me to explain how I felt over those two days. I felt antsy, like I needed to get things done, but lacked any necessary motivation. I felt lonely and like I needed to talk to someone, yet declined the usual visit with my parents. I felt irritated by my children and trapped by my position as a stay-at-home mom, and simultaneously guilty for feeling those things, knowing deep down how very lucky I am to be able to spend this time with them while they are still young. At my core was a deep sense of self-loathing and in my head, a hurricane of thoughts that I couldn't make sense of. In a nutshell, I felt like I was going crazy. And I did NOT feel like taking photos, hence the series of "failures" listed above.

After the 48, Stephen came home and we spent day one of his four days off cleaning the house because I was scheduled to host a book club meeting on day two. I was still depressed, but too busy to really dwell on it. Day two rolled around and the morning was filled with me feverishly vacuuming and grocery shopping and washing dishes and trying to make my house look more like adults actually reside there along with the children. Shortly before show time, my amazing husband loaded our beautiful children in the car and blew me a kiss before heading out for a day of fun at the zoo, preceded by lunch at Burr's Fountain. (I can't thank you enough for this, Stephen.)

At 11 am, my kitchen filled with five of the most beautiful, intelligent, honest, funny, generous, and loving women I know. I welcomed them into my home knowing full well that I would most likely cry to them about my troubles that day. What I didn't know is that it would be a deep, choking, can't catch my breath sort of sobbing. I also didn't know that others present would do the same thing, for their own reasons.

With these women, I feel safe. And heard. And loved, unconditionally. I said things to them that I had never said out loud before and felt a cleansing deep within myself in doing so. In listening to their troubles, I felt unexpected comfort in knowing that I am not the only one struggling and that, no matter what, these women will always be there for me and never hold me in judgement. I vow the same to them, always.

Soon, it was time for the ladies to go our separate ways. Hugs and words of love were exchanged and as I said my final goodbye and closed the door, I realized I felt better. The crying, the talking, the laughing, the hugs, all of it was cathartic and cleansing and a healthy, much needed dose of perspective. I decided right then and there that it was time for a change, or rather several changes. This stagnant, self-indulgent wallowing is unnecessary and a waste of time, a waste of life! Knowing full well, from past experience, that simply deciding this does not make it so, I have composed the following list of changes that I am currently implementing, my so-called New Life Resolutions:

1. I resolve to work out. Regularly. I was doing so well, working out 3 to 5 times a week and then, about two months ago, I stopped. I don't know if I stopped working out because I was depressed, or if I got depressed because I stopped working out (chicken or the egg?). All I know is that my mental/emotional health is very closely linked to my physical health; when I am taking care of my self physically, I feel better emotionally.
2. I resolve to reduce my alcohol consumption (and perhaps, eventually, eliminate it altogether). 
3. I resolve to take extra good care of myself when experiencing premenstrual symptoms. Since entering my thirties, PMS has become much more severe for me. By taking care of myself during this time (avoiding alcohol, refined sugars, and simple carbohydrates, going to bed early, taking long walks, etc.), I may not be able to eliminate the symptoms, but I can certainly lessen the blow.
4. I resolve to limit my internet time. The computer is addictive, and my behavior surrounding it is compulsive and sad. I need to cut the cord (okay, maybe just unplug it) and focus on things that actually matter. Like, I don't know, MY CHILDREN.
5. I resolve to engage in a daily spiritual practice of some sort. I consider myself a spiritual person in the sense that I believe in something greater than myself, an energy that connects us all, and I believe in practicing gratitude and the power of mindful meditation. However, giving thanks for my many blessings once in a while or haphazardly meditating, do not a spiritual practice make. Practice, by definition, is habitual. If I'm going to have a daily habit, I'm thinking prayer sounds like a healthy one to have.
6. Lastly, I resolve (starting tomorrow, obviously) to go to bed at a decent hour.

Good night, loves. May you all be well.

On the off-chance you're wondering, no, I haven't forgotten about Days 177 - 180. We were on a road trip to Oregon over those four days and the corresponding photos are still in the editing stage.

Project 358: Days 172 - 176

Day 172: Pals For Life

Day 173: Fail. No photo.

Day 174: In Her Own Little World

Day 175: Fail. No photo.

Day 176: Happy Birthday To Meeee!