Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Sunday Morning Ponderables

Reverse Living

Life is tough.
It takes up a lot of your time, all your weekends,
and what do you get at the end of it?
Death, a great reward.
I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, get it out of the way.
Then you should live twenty years in an old-age home.
You get kicked out when you're too young,
you get a gold watch, you go to work.
You work for forty years until you're
young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You go to college, you party until you're ready for high school,
you become a little kid, you play, you have no responsibilities,
you become a little boy or girl, you go back into the womb,
you spend your last nine months floating.
And you finish off as a gleam in someone's eye.

- Norman Glass


My grandfather and his wife, on the Oregon farm, July 2011.





My Elinor Rose, on the Oregon farm, July 2011.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Borrowed Poetry

Let Nothing Stand 


between the elm and the boy
under its branches, between
cars grumbling at a light,
their drivers mute behind glass,
hands at two o'clock and ten,
let nothing stand between the wand
of the conductor and the breath
of the flutist, between the wind
and sweating brow of the house
painter halfway up a ladder
against a gutter of last year's leaves,
let nothing stand between holiness
and laziness, between head and groin
from which we spilled into a world
of tables and tight corners and hard
choices, let nothing stand between
the river and cliff and blue
jay that sews them together whose
eggs fill the crotch of the swaying tree
above these lines, as day rolls up 
and stars spread out, let nothing stand
between us that doesn't dissolve
with a closing of eyes and opening
of arms, and after arms are gone,
let nothing at all stand that
was once between everything,
whatever it was, the fence of years,
the fence of dollars, miles, fears
of ending the dance, between
the heart that grieves and the one
that surges here behind the elm
within your hands, be still
and follow, dear


Fitting In


soon I will fit
You used to fit in the sink,
under the desk, and in the fireplace --
where no one saw. Your broad face
fit in every frame on the wall. Blink!
in the palm of your hand
Now you fit nowhere at all,
not in shoes, tutus, boardrooms,
or brunches for ten. The rooms
of the world are small, you think.
turning me over and over
How true, how true. Outgrow a drink
like Alice did, a maze of arms and legs
sticking out windows, head in space.
This is what happens on big birthdays.
light as I am



(From The Afterlives of Trees, poems by Wyatt Townley)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

On Love and Fear (A Letter to Self)

They, the pretty sparkly ones with the plump hearts, let them love you. More importantly, love them. Love them the way you want to be loved, and let that love fill you up, make your heart plump, too.

They, whose passion and wonder far exceed their tiny forms, be with them. Be like them. Allow their passion and wonder to fill your soul and color your perception. Hold them close, then let them fly. Perhaps doing so will help you to find your own wings as well.

He, who loves you with all his heart, let him. Believe in that love, know that you are worthy of it, and return it, despite his flaws. Goodness knows you too have flaws.

She, whose form you inhabit, please forgive her. She is human, and as such, imperfect. That is okay; let her be. Let her smile; let her shine. The heavy is never so heavy that it cannot be lifted. There are hands (and hearts) here to help. Fear not.


Monday, June 13, 2011

ugly

I want to be beautiful like you,
but my insides get so ugly sometimes.

How long can I continue
parading around in these shoes,
so big?

I am bound to
trip and fall.

If you knew
the thoughts that plague me...

Even the sincerest of apologies
wouldn't suffice.

And yet, what more can I do?
I'm sorry.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Unmasked (Project 358: Day 82)

Day 82: Me, Then.


As I mentioned in another post, I recently retrieved my "Baby Box" from my parents' house. You know, that little treasure chest full of New Kids memorabilia? Well, there's also a bunch of other stuff in there, including lots and lots of writing. It's strange to read things I wrote when I was in elementary school, junior high, high school. Every piece is familiar to me once I start reading it and a few of them strike a deep, emotional chord within me, but it's all so vague, like an elaborate jigsaw puzzle left unfinished. It's almost as if I'm remembering a movie I watched years ago and while I know that I really loved the movie, there are whole scenes of it that I just don't remember.

Memory is strange that way, you know? How do we know, based on memory alone, what is fact and what is fiction? The mind has many tricks up its sleeve: embellishment, diminishment, suppression, extinction. And furthermore, having grown up in a household where everything was documented by video camera, do I actually remember these things happening, or do I only remember watching them on video?

Forgive me. I am rambling tonight and confusing even myself. Today's photo is one of the poems I found in my Baby Box. The date at the top reads September 1, 1992, which, if my math is correct, means I was just about to start my freshman year of high school.

This is what I wrote:

Unmasked

I was born with wings,
but have not learned to fly.
I was born on a cloud,
but have not touched the sky.
I reach for the sun,
and grasp the thin air.
I reach for the moon,
but nothing is there.
I long to sing,
but I know of no tune.
I long to dance,
but there is not enough room.
I ask a question,
no answer is hailed.
I turn on a light,
but darkness prevails.
I feel so alone,
no one is about.
I feel so closed in,
I have to get out.
I pick up a book,
the book disappears.
I walk in a room,
the room's full of mirrors.
I look in a mirror,
and start to cry.
I see my true self,
These mirrors don't lie.
A cowardly figure,
scared and alone.
But wait! There's another
side that is shown.
A smile, a laugh,
to hide all the fear.
A happy-faced mask,
that is kept very near.
So when sadness comes,
I let no one see.
I could never let anyone,
see the real me.
So I wear many masks,
to hide all the pain.
And when you see sunshine,
I feel the rain.

Okay, so obviously this poem is very juvenile (and very rhyme-y...actually, I give myself props for all that rhyming! My four-year-old would be impressed.), but it also makes me sad. It makes me sad because I know (somehow) that I wasn't writing it just for the sake of writing it; I wasn't trying to be "deep" or dramatic. I was writing it because it flowed out of me. It flowed out of me because that is how I felt at the time.

I am now a mother of two beautiful, amazing, perfect little children, ages 2 and 4. I don't ever want them to feel the way I did when I wrote this poem. The trouble is, I have no idea how to prevent that. My parents certainly didn't do anything to make me feel that way.

Okay. That's not true. I, like any other human being on this planet, can list off a few things my parents should have done differently. But they didn't know they were doing anything wrong. They loved me and were doing the best that they knew how, which is exactly what I am doing with my children, which is exactly what every parent does with their children. I guess what freaks me out is this: all parents will fuck their children up in some way, it's inevitable. But it's impossible to know exactly what it is that you're doing wrong until it's too late.



...Then again, I turned out alright...maybe it was just hormones?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Stifled

My insides feel tight;
wound up.
I know if I just breathe
deeply
I could help them to unwind
uncurl
unfurl.
But my breath is shallow
short
forced
stuck inside my chest.
I click "refresh"
a thousand times a day
as if refreshing my Google Reader
will somehow refresh my mood
my day
my life.
I hear knocking on the door and I don't
want
to
answer.
What am I hiding from?
There is no place to run.
No reason to run.
Open the door
open your arms
open your heart
and let them in.
Let them help you
breathe.
Let them unwind you.
They are waiting
wanting
needing
to do so.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Jammies

There are times, as a parent,
that I need to
let go of reason and
just be okay
with things like

putting you to bed

with jam

on your face.

Because you are tired
beyond reason
and absolutely
adamant
that I not
wipe you clean.

What's the worst
that could happen?
A purple stain left
on your pillow case?

I think we'll all survive.

Besides,
I too am tired
and would rather not fight
before bed.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Kid Feet

Your feet are no longer
the soft, chubby feet
of a baby.

The soles are toughened,
the skin thick
and protective:
kid feet.

Play jump run
dance skip climb
fall and scrape
and get back up again
for more.

These feet
refuse sneakers,
delight in galoshes,
and tolerate sandals,
but prefer to be free,
wearing nothing at all.

I love these feet,
kiss them, sniff them,
wiggle their toes.

I warm them
when they are cold,
wash them when dirty,
love every moment with these
beautiful kid feet.

These feet will grow...
play jump run
dance skip climb
explore and
someday leave
this home.

I do so hope
they return
often.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Knowing You

They say the older you get,
the faster time flies,

and that the years with young children
will flash by
in an instant.

And yet it seems,
dear children,
that time has slowed considerably
since you came into my life.

Each moment (so precious)
deserves my full attention.
And my days, once so scheduled
and routine and filled with longing
for the 5 o'clock hour,

are now loose and free-flowing,
with long stretches of time spent
dancing in pajamas
or hunting for insects
or snuggling you in silence.

In retrospect, it's true,
the years have gone quickly
and I marvel at the size
of your once-tiny feet.

But the moments are
what matter
and the moments seem to...
stretch.

Thank you for sharing your eyes and your ears,
your untarnished perspective,
your sense of wonder,
your joy.

Knowing you
has allowed me
to breathe deeper

and has taken presence,
appreciation for the now,
beyond intellectual concept
to the level of daily practice.

For that, I thank you,
more than you will ever know.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

I wish I could claim to have written this myself...

I happened upon a collection of Janet Holmes's poems while perusing a book store probably 7 or 8 years ago. I had never heard of her, but instantly fell in love with her writing. I consider The Love of the Flesh to be one of the most beautiful love poems I have ever read. Since I was having trouble coming up with my own words this evening, I thought I would borrow some to share. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. May your spirit be light as you indulge in the pleasures of the flesh!


The Love of the Flesh
by Janet Holmes


Reality is not limited to the tactile:
still, we touch our own faces, as if by the slide
of fingers over cheekbones, eyelids, lips,


we can check that we are not dreaming.  This is
the life of the body, the life of gesture,


tangible, a palm against the skin.
When I put my hand to your face it becomes a caress,
but here, against my own, it is disbelief
or wonder.


The questions are hard, as when medieval scholars
divvied up the body in debate
as to where the soul hung its ephemeral hat-


and those who plumped for the heart laboring its fenced-in field
shouted down those others who felt God's messages
precisely in the pit of the stomach,


while the ancients reasoned the brain, the unromantic brain,
and virtually every organ had its champion...


Their filigree of argument confounds me
just as, then,
the suddenness of love left me dazed:


for days they had to call me twice
to get a single answer - I was deaf
and breathless and stunned.  It was not
as if the world were new and beautiful.


It was, instead, as if I had unlearned
how to use my hands
and feet.  Where does the life of the body


leave off, the life of the spirit start?  When
does the mouthful of air move beyond breathing
towards magic?  We made


a spectacle of ourselves, dancing about
like clowns in huge shoes, goofy with happiness,
inarticulate in all but the lexicon
of sexual flesh;


and the soul, from its short-leased home
among the muscles, sent its respects,
or so we were told...


Even in Paradise, the light-filled spirits
long for their resurrection,
and Dante is surprised that they miss their bodies:


"Not only for themselves," he speculates,
"but for their mothers and fathers, and for the others
dear to them on earth,"


souls wistful for flesh, nostalgic
for their faraway, simple selves who walked about


and who, lifting and seeing their hands,
thought suddenly one day These touch, caress, stroke;
who found in the body a bridge beyond it


and coined the word beloved.  And thus we performed
for ourselves the seamless changing over
of element to element,


body to air, solid to spirit, magic trick
or miracle, without knowing the particular
spell or prayer or luck that made it quicken.